Chirping from the bench

There may not be a better sport for trash talking than hockey.

When there’s a real chance you’re going to get punched in the nose if you say the wrong thing, sometimes you bite your tongue a little. 

It’s kinda like how people are pretty ballsy on the phone, but magically become more reasonable in person.

One of the favorite chirps (hockey-speak for trash talk) I’ve ever heard went like this:

SHORESY: Hey, keep that s*** up and see what happens!

JONESY: Oh yeah, what’s going to happen?

SHORESY: Three things.  I hit you.  You hit the ground.  The ambulance hits 70.

Absolutely perfect.

There are no wasted words in that response. 

When it comes to announcing golf, Brandel Chamblee has carved out a little niche for “chirping from the bench.”

Although not nearly as clever.

He got in trouble over the weekend when he talked about how social media “skews left” and “can get to be a cesspool.”

Not really sure what the big deal is.

You can make both those cases.

You can also make the cases against as well.

Free speech, right?

Like me, Chamblee is from St. Louis, so I want to be on his side, but he’s said some really bats*** crazy things throughout the years.

I get it.  That’s the character he’s playing.

But at least keep it in the ballpark.

The craziest thing I ever heard leave his mouth is how Tiger Woods ruined his career by doing all that working out.


15 Majors.  82 Tour wins.  The Tiger Slam.  Countless fans.

Yeah, he’s the Ryan Leaf of the PGA. 

As a golf fitness professional, it makes me want to drop the mitts.

If you are a plumber and a guy walks into the kitchen while you’re under the sink fixing a leaky faucet and says, “Plumbing is a bunch of BS.”

You’d probably have a scrap right there.

Now golf is more of a gentleman’s sport, so let me offer an inspiring chirp for those guys who just haven’t seen the results they’ve been working towards:

ME: Hey, keep moving and getting your body into better shape and see what happens!

YOU: Oh yeah, what’s going to happen?

ME: Three things.  You’re going to feel great.  You’re going to look great.  You’re going to play your best golf.

Like I said, nobody can chirp like hockey players.

Now, if you start chirping about Caddyshack not being that funny, I’m shedding my tarp (shirt) and we’re gonna have a donnybrook:)

If you’re not seeing the results in the gym and need a plan, check out:

Jeff “Putting On The Foil” Pelizzaro